Most of us are familiar with the well-used expression, ‘God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we should listen twice as often as we speak’. But, the valuable advice, captured in this saying, is rarely followed.
It’s hardly surprising. Management pundits are, constantly, telling us that, one of the biggest problems, facing organizations today, is a lack of communication. As managers, we are encouraged, continuously, to develop our abilities to communicate effectively. However, this development need is, usually, interpreted as improving our speaking skills – giving instructions, briefing on assignments, motivating staff etc. And what about public speaking skills? As trainers, we know all about public speaking. The ‘Conducting Effective Presentations’ program is constant (and lucrative!) fare, on our portfolio menu!
So often, when staff members extol the qualities of their boss, they say, “She, always, takes the time to listen to what I have to say” or “I know that I can go to him, if I have a problem. He understands what I tell him”. As opposed to, “I can never get a word in, edge-ways” or ”Once he gets started, there’s no stopping him”. The staff motivation derived from consideration and understanding, in any communication transaction, is no accident. It is the result of good Listening Skills.
Here are a number of key guidelines that you might find of value.
- Concentrate on what is being said, not who is saying it – We can often be influenced, in our capacity to listen, by the status of the person who is speaking. We tend to associate more significance to what our boss, or even more senior managers, tell us, as opposed to less senior members of staff.
- Concentrate on the meaning of the message – People have different degrees of ability in converting ideas into words.. Where necessary, you might need to facilitate the interpretation of the message by asking the Sender relevant questions.
- Do not get emotionally involved – Avoid getting emotionally involved in what is being said. Because an emotional reaction usually occurs quite early on in a message, you are likely to ‘switch-off’, mentally, at that point and just respond with your feelings.
- Remember that thoughts are quicker than words – As a Receiver, your aim is to evaluate what is being said to achieve understanding. Because we think quicker than we speak, the Receiver has the advantage of available evaluation time over the Sender, during a communication transaction. If the message isn’t being sent accurately enough, the Receiver has more time to create a false perception of the message.
- Only write down key points – Although speaking is slower than thinking, writing is slower than speaking. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to write copious notes during the receiving of messages. Instead, identify the key points of the message, as you go along, and complete a fuller written version later, if necessary.
- If you don’t understand, ask for the message to be repeated – Ask the Sender to repeat or rephrase all or part of the message, if you do not understand.
- Always be an ‘active’ listener – Give as much energy to listening as you do to speaking. Give the Sender feedback to demonstrate your attention and understanding. Ask questions when you are unsure of meaning or to extend important points.
‘It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.’
(The Poet of the Breakfast Table – 1872)
These Listening tips are included in the Training Package: