Of all the many tasks that a manager must undertake, the role of counsellor must be among the most difficult. Managers must develop their persuasive and advisory skills, in order to be more effective counsellors.
Here are some guidelines to help you get more out of this demanding helper/receiver relationship.
Don’t argue
The receiver will try to preserve his self-concept by meeting any criticism or challenging remarks with resistance. If you reach a position of appearing to ’pound away’ at him, you will receive even more resistance and denial.
Be prepared to listen
You must understand the receiver’s point of view before you can begin, jointly, to explore alternatives. Understanding his point of view, however, does not mean that you should, necessarily, agree with, or support, his position.
The only way you can help is to be familiar with the situation and, getting the facts, by being prepared to listen. Let the receiver do most of the talking.
Direct your advice to behaviour that the receiver can change
Offering advice, which involves the receiver changing things over which he has little or no control, is completely ineffectual. If it is not within his power to change things, the advice is unlikely to work.
Give timely feedback
Feedback is most helpful to a team member when it is given, at the earliest opportunity, after an event or interaction has occurred.
See the members of your team as subjects, not objects
They have their feelings, needs and values, just like you. Try to see the World, from their point of view.
Reflect the feelings of the receiver
If you can focus on reflecting back the feelings and attitudes of the receiver, instead of immediately giving advice, it is probable that he will arrive at his own solution, during the counselling interaction .If you adopt an empathetic approach, the receiver will continue to talk. Invariably, his own vocal review of the problem will cause him to identify a solution.
Ask skilled questions
A skilful counsellor avoids asking questions that can be answered with a simple yes’ or ‘no’. He asks structured questions, which begin with ‘Who? What?. When? How? and Why? They give the receiver the chance to let his feelings and attitudes emerge, along with facts, details and excuses. Past facts are less important than present feelings and attitudes.
Look for signals of commitment
Look for signals of commitment that the receiver is prepared to accept ownership of the outcome of the helper/receiver relationship. Once, the receiver assumes responsibility for his part in solving his problem, your role, as a counsellor, has been fulfilled.
“Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most, always like it the least”
(29 January 1748: Earl of Chesterfield 1694-1773)
The following Training Package provides the means to teach any group of people the principles and practice of ‘Face-to-Face’ Communication.